So this guy named James dies and goes to Heaven. When he gets there, he's greeted by St. Peter. He notices that behind St. Peter is a wall covered in clocks.
James asks: "What are the clocks for, St. Peter?"
To which St. Peter replies: "The clocks keep track of lies. Every time a person lies, the minute hand moves one notch. That's Mother Teresa's over there ... it has never moved because she has never lied. That one over there is Abe Lincoln's ... it's moved two minutes because he's lied twice."
James, rather interested, asks; "Where's George W. Bush's clock?"
To which St. Peter replies: "Oh, God took that one upstairs to his room. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"
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Bush's closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you're wrong. I did it in record time." When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn't that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well the box says 3-5 YEARS!"
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Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
James asks: "What are the clocks for, St. Peter?"
To which St. Peter replies: "The clocks keep track of lies. Every time a person lies, the minute hand moves one notch. That's Mother Teresa's over there ... it has never moved because she has never lied. That one over there is Abe Lincoln's ... it's moved two minutes because he's lied twice."
James, rather interested, asks; "Where's George W. Bush's clock?"
To which St. Peter replies: "Oh, God took that one upstairs to his room. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
___________________
Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"
_______________
Bush's closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you're wrong. I did it in record time." When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn't that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well the box says 3-5 YEARS!"
_______________
Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
